“i’m going to wait until i have 1,000 followers, i don’t have enough resources.” these are the conflicting thoughts that go through one’s mind when they decide to do something outside the box. everyone has dreams and aspirations, and there will always be an outside force telling you to wait.. i know for me, it was about how everything looks, i did not want low quality nothin’ anywhere near me! i truly had to humble myself and realize that if i don’t put myself out there with what i got then how can i expect anyone to want to work with me when i have nothing to even show them? now being 23 i can look back and see where i have went wrong, it came upon me that eveything that i am thinking of now, i really could of thought of earlier. but because i had this picture in my head of how it is supposed to be, and so caught up in what i deemed to be right, i missed out on an open window of opportunities. not only that, i was scared. scared of failing, not knowing where to start. ultimately not being sure of myself or my talents. i belive that fits into why we wait so long, and procrastinate. it was the ultimate excuse to stay medicore. people asked me, “well what’s keeping you waiting” i told them i did not know.. but really, i had an underlying excuse of “i don’t have proper filming equiptment” and so on, which is true, okay. BUT i know that it stems from insecurity. it’s a scary thing to put yourself out there, doing something for the first time. especially if you are an overthinker like myself.
something happened to me not to long ago, and i lost everything i had. though while in my possession i didn’t use my materials to their full advantage. i’m talking all my clothes, shoes, hella make-up, accessories, man everything. i cried a lot, i was extremely devastated. as i have had time to reflect, i came to an understanding that i had everything i needed the whole time. i was too busy focusing on what i did not have, or what everyone else doing what i was persuing had. instead of seeing what i had all along. the experience led me to see where i need to change my thought process and outlook. it also led me to be more hungry about what i want. and this time around i will not be making the same mistake. i was discouraged for a period of time that did not end too long ago, and that still tries to sneak up on me from time to time. so i’m giving you fresh perspective and insight from God.
i could have became so caught up in my belongings getting taken from me, that i gave up (even though every step of the way i wanted too), let it get the best of me and said fuck it. i could of thought, here i am with less than what i had before and i didn’t even feel comfortable starting my career with that. why even try anymore? instead, i processed the emotions, and what happened, and accepted it. now i’m back doing what i love. by the grace of God, i have been able to start adding materials back into my collection. plus, i will use everything i have to my full advantage unlike last time.
i am sharing my story with you to tell you, what you have is enough! there is no perfect starting point besides the present moment. with who you are, what you have, and the aspirations that are currently on your heart. that is the beauty of the journey, showing your growth. it doesn’t matter who is watching or supporting you. the start is always the hardest. i remember about two years ago around this time, i started my hundreth youtube channel, finally, some consistency. i almosy have 600 subscribers and over 100,000 views. of course my goals were to be further than that. reguardless, i have to take responsibilty for that. my point is though, i had many channels before. i kept deleting them, thinking i did not have the right ideas, i needed better quality and such. all the videos that i didn’t take serious on my current channel are the one’s with the most views. i get sad, i start thinking about how i would have a longer track history and how much potential was in something i deleted.
i have a vision of my life at 25, what i want accomplished, who i want to be. i will be 24 this year. this is making me take everythng more serious, i see where i went wrong when i was younger, by not chasing my dreams right then and there. it is a regret i have. all i can do now is do what i should of done along time ago. i can’t sit in it, and let it take my future away. nor should i waste anymore time. i made a plan with what i got. i know it might not make sense, but the work you do in the beginnig are the seeds you are sewing for the garden of your future. you may not understand how you are going to get to the final destination. you can be discouraged because the moutain seems so high. slow down, break your goals down and start with step one. gather the information, make a plan based on your work ethic and research, and execute and keep executing until you get momentum, then build off that.
you have to start somewhere, there will always be opposition, fear, “lack”, you know the rest. those are all lies to distract you from going towards the direction of passion and purpose. start today, right now, with whatever you got, keep faith and persistence by your side, then you will get to where you want to be. take nothing for granted and give gratitiude for all and you will be revealed more.